


Rare Is This Love

by deandratb



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, tweaks canon just occasionally for setup purposes...goes au fast
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-08 11:41:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12863772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deandratb/pseuds/deandratb
Summary: Set after the events ofThe Wishbut beforeAmends; a spell Willow casts to save Buffy's life accidentally changes everything.





	1. I Need You To Run To Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [broken_hearted_bard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_hearted_bard/gifts).



> I'm not sure yet how long this will be/how far I'll take the story, but it'll head AU for season 3 pretty much immediately.

Magick is a funny thing.

It has its own rules; sometimes it creates them only to break them without warning.

And as a self-trained witch, often Willow is just making it up as she goes along. But what else is she supposed to do, exactly, when her best friend is about to die-- _again_ \--and she’s the one with the power to stop it? **Not** save her?

Not save the world?

Obviously that isn't an option. 

So she doesn’t regret what happened...she can’t. But she has no idea what to do now.

She can’t talk to Buffy or Xander. For all the obvious, and painful, reasons--they may be her best friends, but Buffy is still visibly hurting over Angel and Xander just lost his girlfriend because they kissed. How do you introduce _‘I’m in love with somebody, and oh yeah it’s Angel'_ into that situation?

She also can’t go to Oz, though he is the best listener she knows. Even if they were on speaking terms, she couldn’t see him facing this situation with his usual level of cool.

She’s not facing it with any level of cool--how could she expect him to?

Worst of all, she can’t go to Giles, like she did in the beginning when spells went awry. This, he won’t understand. This will make him clear his throat and clean his glasses and pretend not to be panicking, all while he looks at her like she’s gone crazy.

Which she maybe has.

The one person she wants to go to, more than all the rest, the one person she feels a crazy driving **need** to see, to confront--to touch--is the person she shouldn’t. 

She knows that she shouldn’t. No matter how alone and confused she feels. A lot may be outside her control right now, including her own mind, but she’s still haunted by what she did with Xander, how stupid she was, how carelessly cruel. That makes it easier to remind herself that her actions **are** within her control. 

Willow refuses to hurt anybody else.

So she doesn’t go to him, for all the good that does her. 

Angel comes to her, instead.


	2. Keep It Covered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel arrives; Willow explains. _He was sitting there, all broad-shouldered and glowery, and she just kept seeing him glistening with sweat in a dimly lit room, eyelashes fluttered shut, cuddled up next to her. She needed him out, before she did something she would regret and humiliated them both._

“Something’s wrong,” Angel says, standing on her doorstep in the winter chill. “Can I come in?”

She glances behind her automatically, a guilt reflex, even though her parents have been gone all week. “Uh, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Me neither,” he says, brow furrowed, “but I think it’s necessary.”

Willow sighs. She knows he’s right, even though inviting him into her house feels like the worst possible decision she could make right now. Like playing with fire, and not the kind she scorched her bedspread with.

“Angel, you may enter,” she intones, stepping back to let him pass once the invitation allows it.

Giles would be apoplectic. Even Buffy might protest, though she fought back so hard against everyone’s concern after Angel returned from hell–the Slayer knows better than most where giving him an invitation could lead. 

Willow’s not worried about that. She’s not the helpless girl with a tank of dead fish anymore; she made sure to focus some of her early Wicca studies on defensive magick. If he tries anything, she can fight back. He won’t hurt her. 

Physically, anyway.

“We can talk here,” she told Angel, leading him to the living room. “It’s just us.”

“Okay.” He inhaled deeply, opened his mouth to speak, then just…stared at her. The lost look in his eyes mirrored her own. Willow took pity on him.

“You’re having the dreams too?”

“Is that what they are?” He frowns. “I’m having…memories. That make no sense. With us. And Buffy.”

Willow nods, encouraging him to continue. It helps somehow, just to hear it out loud, from someone else. It makes her feel less crazy.

“Where…you are Buffy. But you’re still you. And we…” Angel trailed off, looking horrified and bewildered at the same time. He shook his head. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

“No, it doesn’t,” she agreed. “But it’s happening to me too. And I think I know why.”

“Really?” Angel scrubbed a tired hand over his face. “Could you explain it to me, then? Because I don’t understand it at all.”

“Well, I don’t exactly have it figured out,” she hedged. “I need to do more research, and with class and everything, I haven’t had enough time–”

“Don’t you think this should take priority over geometry right now?”

“I tested out of geometry two years ago,” Willow shot back, offended. “And some of us actually enjoy school, you know.”

“Right. Sorry. I didn’t,” he said with a grin. 

“Anyway, I do know that it’s some sort of magickal side effect,” she continued, granting him a small smile in return. “Last week, when Buffy was fighting off the apocalypse, she kind of, almost…died.”

“Again?”

“Yeah. She’s fine!” Willow rushed to add. “She didn’t die, all the way. And she’s back to normal. But I had to use magick, to save her. And I had to tie it to my life force, because…well, it was really bad.”

“I think I get it so far. Your spell linked you to Buffy. And didn’t un-link you again?”

“No. That part seems to have gone a little wonky. I mean, it was supposed to, it was in the spell, but it didn’t.”

“And that brought me into it how?”

“Totally by accident! The spell had nothing to do with you. I promise, Angel, I wouldn’t have done that without asking you first. It’s just, sort of, collateral damage…this thing that’s happening now.”

“I’m gonna need you to be a little more specific.”

“Well, the magick tied me to Buffy, to bring her back before she was actually gone. It seems like…based on what’s happening now…well, it seems like it gave me some of her memories-her life.”

Angel blinked at her. “You’re telling me the spell made you Buffy?”

“No! I’m still me. I’m just me with a little extra. That extra comes with sense memory. Which I have to tell you, I did not ask for and would be happy to give back now, please. No offense.”

“None taken. I'm really confused right now. I can only imagine what it’s like for you.”

“Haunting,” Willow replied seriously. “Sad. And also…”

“Also?”

She blushed. “Well, I have a lot of Buffy’s memories of you. Like, most of them. Including the X-rated ones. And Oz and I, we…we hadn’t, yet.”

“Oh. **Oh.** ”

“Yeah.”

“I–should I, I don’t know, apologize?”

“God, no. It’s not your fault! It’s nobody’s fault. But it’s pretty crazy inside my head, with all that. And I think it would really upset…well, everybody, if they found out. So I haven’t been able to talk about it.”

Angel nodded. “Well, you can talk to me. If you want. Anytime.”

“I’m not sure that would be such a good idea,” she admitted. “Not right now.”

“At least I can sort of understand what you’re going through. And I’m available, what with the whole undead thing.”

“Yeah, I know. And thanks. It’s just…I think the less we’re around each other, the better. Until I get this sorted out. You know? Return the memories to where they rightfully belong?”

“Okay. Sure.” His tone, and face, were less in favor than his words. 

Weirdly, now that he had an explanation, Angel seemed not as freaked. Knowing the why didn’t make Willow feel much better at all, so she wondered–but she didn’t ask. 

He was sitting there, all broad-shouldered and glowery, and she just kept seeing him glistening with sweat in a dimly lit room, eyelashes fluttered shut, cuddled up next to her. She needed him out, before she did something she would regret and humiliated them both.

“So, if I need you, I’ll-I’ll tell Buffy and she can tell you, okay?” She had no plan to need him, ever, but he didn’t need to know that. He just had to go.

“Yeah. Okay.” Back to frowning, Angel stood, watching her for a moment before letting himself out. 

It didn’t matter that he was suspicious; that he was observant and smart and she knew full well he could hear her racing heartbeat with his vampy senses. All that mattered was that he was gone. 

It hurt, but Willow could breathe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title borrowed from "Run" by Hozier.

**Author's Note:**

> Factual stretch for the purposes of this story: Willow relied on/trusted Giles slightly more than in canon, when she began dabbling in magick between seasons 2 and 3. He still never approved, but he was helpful when she needed it.
> 
> Title borrowed from "Run" by Hozier.


End file.
